The book repository was on Iron Street, a half-mile away from anyone who was still awake. The open industrial park was free of any traffic, and the air was still enough to hear the Orange Line pass by in the distance. When I arrived in the area, I wasn't too late for anything. We had officially crossed into a new day, yet the lights were still on. People were still inside, running their operation. And I needed a way in.

I moved through the shadows, clocking their ranks. Hired muscle was staging large crates from one area to another. Every 20 feet stood a watchful eye, making sure the area was clear of outsiders. The path of their surveillance lead to a stairwell going upstairs, seemingly where the big man was stationed. There was a guy watching the backdoor, watching over a blind spot of the cameras. I had to quickly dispatch him in order to slink through. Hiding the remains becomes easier when the area is surrounded by boxes of books.

The more ground I covered, the stranger this entire situation became. I found guards, I found goods, but there was one thing notably absent: Clients. The dead of night is perfect cover for under-the-table logistics, yet there didn't seem to be any sign that any of this was outgoing. The things being moved around also set off some alarm bells. These guys weren't moving knock-offs or drugs; they were moving hazmat containers and medical equipment. What exactly was the nature of this operation?

A guard inside had noticed that no one was watching the door in the back, so he went to go investigate. He didn't find anything, but it gave me a great opportunity to get some intel of my own. With him separated from the pack and out of ear-shot, I pulled him in closer to the shadows and neutralized him. It was a bit messier than the first, but I was still able to get him sufficiently hidden. And unlike the first guy, this one had some valuable information on their PDA. They seemed to have been facilitating the services of a PI with an obscured phone number. Their last sent text was to "RT", and simply read, "File's in the common."

"RT". Roger Thorne. I was definitely going in the right direction. The text had been sent an hour previous, so I still potentially had time. Hopefully. A pool of blood had started slowly approaching my feet, so I quickly moved away from its source and started to make my way deeper into the building.

Upstairs was the general office area. It was a very old-fashioned setup, it made me feel like I had stepped back in the 1940's. The boss's door window was obscured, but that room was definitely not empty. I carefully looked around until I saw a door marked, "Common". It looked like a break room, with small tables on either end of the room. If Sam were here, he'd probably call it a "dining area". Idiot.

I saw something on the table farthest from the door: A file. I thought, maybe I'll finally get some answers. Finally, we'll get some closure about what all of this is about and what we're actually doing here. Finally, some actual closure.

Oh, what a sweet, innocent and naive creature I was.

What I saw left me with more questions than answers. And not out of confusion, but out of pure, unfiltered shock.

What I saw in that file was me.

It was the most comprehensive report about me I've ever seen. I don't even think Mikey would be able to replicate the depth this report contained. Of course, it had the usual descriptors: "dangerous", "psychotic", "unpredictable"; blah blah blah. But under all of that were things that I file like this wouldn't have cataloged. Not so much things researched, and more... studied. The perfect file for an external party to use for blackmail.

Just seeing my face in this file shook me to my core. I had forgotten what "panic" felt like before opening it. What are we going to do about this? What is there to do? Those questions were answered before even being asked: I had to condemn this building.

Whoever that woman was led me to something serious. Whether or not she realized it, she just set off a bomb with a shockwave of indeterminate radius. I don't know whether to thank her or make sure she also suffers in the fallout.

I rolled up the file and tucked it in the inside pocket of my coat. Before I could turn around to leave, I was tasered in the side. Startled, I made a blind back-swing and was quickly tackled into the table. The impact destroyed the table under us, and it wasn't long before the taser came back into play. I threw the man on top of me off and tried to move against the one with the taser. Because my attention on the taser was sharper, I didn't notice someone else come into the room and inject something into my neck. I was immediately out.

When I came to, I was in the middle of the warehouse floor, tied to a chair. It felt like all of the light in the building was concentrated on me. Every armed body in the building was standing around me, ready to fire. In front of me was the boss, who periodically coughed into his elbow.

"I was hoping you'd come around, sooner or later."

I couldn't place that voice exactly, but I recognized it from somewhere. My vision soon started to clear, so I looked up and saw his face.

It was Roger Thorne: the man in the visions. The man I watched die.

"Wha... I watched you die."

"No, I'm not dead. And hopefully, you could help make sure it stays that way."

To Be Continued...

[ https://hisvirusness.com/textbook-case-part-3 ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

Looking through the service, things are a lot different than they were 10+ years ago. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is yet to be seen, but like everywhere else, the bottomfeeders always pop up first.

// I've Actually Been Here Before

A little background: I have a negative history with Fiverr. Of course, this goes back ~13 years, so of course it's really not the same service. For one, you can now charge more than $5.

I was offering custom 3D logo slides; to get a sense of what that looks like, check out "art". For how much? The only price allowable: $5, which was a literal steal for what I was offering. I later found out that my work was getting resold at a high markup, which came with the added benefit of making it hard for me to charge more for work outside of Fiverr.

When I learned this, I stopped completely. Not long after, I only accepted commissions through referrals, and that's generally how it's been for about a decade.

// Decade Double Take

I've been very open about what's been going on. I try not to make it this site's whole thing, but it's what's currently going on in my life, so naturally, it's gonna come up. The job market has spent the last 18 months kicking the shit out of me. I'm trying more and more to think outside of the box, and having another try at Fiverr is my next step in that process.

My first attempt can be found here. A bit of a departure from art commissions, but it's something I can do right now, while also trying to cut through the more generic and template-heavy entries that pollute the service. Also, feel free to contact me and tell me all about what I'm doing wrong, and what I should be doing. I need the feedback because, well, I'm new to Fiverr and I suck at freelancing in general.

// First Day

No takers yet, but I did get a lot of spam. Some of it was caught before I was able to see it, but some stuck around.

What impressed me was the sophistication of their phishing system. Out of morbid curiosity, I clicked one of the links, and it had one of those "press and hold to prove that you're human" verification challenges before asking for your account name. No password, just the name. The page was still able to parse my public-facing account info, giving it an air of legitimacy.
Editor's Note: DO NOT EVER click on phishing links. The previous claim was done on a web browser not signed into Fiverr, running on a virtual machine by someone who knows what they are doing. Do as I say, not as I do.

Of course, then it went directly into a form where you could put in your credit card number to "collect your fee". The immediate disconnect was that the currency was in pounds, but someone with tons of orders and not paying immediate attention could potentially be overwhelmed enough to fall for it. It's just another reminder to always stay vigilant.

// "Does this mean your commissions are open?"

If you're reading this, then technically this site would be your referral. So, in that case, yes.

Will this bear any kind of fruit? I don't know. It's the end of the week, and I have a few solid leads for work. Hopefully they'll pan out as we go into the next week. But, I'll be honest: I'm exhausted. I'm working my ass off and getting nothing, mostly because the modern job market is now dominated by AI-powered systems that reject applications for arbitrary reasons just for simple jobs. It was easier for me to get a face-to-face remote interview for a potential job paying $30/hour than it was for me to get any kind of actual interview for a potential job paying $17/hour; the closest the latter gave me was a "recorded interview". That's not right. Everyone bitches about how "no one wants to work", without seeing that it's hard to even get a low-wage job nowadays.

Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me. Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for more bullshit.

[ https://hisvirusness.com/trying-to-branch-out ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

I hosted a livestream on YouTube, where we took a mini-tour of the indie web. Someone came on who was new to the concept. They didn't grow up with the old web, so they were just learning about webrings and personal web pages that operated outside of social media network algorithms. Soon, they came across a tough concept that still plagues the indie web to this day: Some sites just die, and dead links don't always get cleaned up.

It's an ever-present bottleneck with discovering new sites and services. Sometimes whole webrings will lay dormant, filled with dead links, and you won't notice it right away. Pre-AI, this is what had people claiming "the internet was dead", even back in the old web days that we all yearn to return.

Regardless, I still disagree with the statement for one main reason:
The tech never left. The infrastructure still exists.

Yes, over time, general internet use became a lot more compartmentalized between a handful of services that are typically polluted with AI slop, so the internet feels smaller, but the broadcast functionality is still the same. It didn't sunset just because people stopped using it. Whether you're building websites or just being a participant in the community, it's still possible to help create the internet that you want. You know: think globally, act locally.

On the ØɄ₮₴łĐɆ webring, I'll have the crawler intermittently fetch member sites to make sure they're active. There have been a few times where member sites went dead, so they got nixed from the ring. I'd personally check every so often to see if they've come back, so they could get readded. Once, I noticed a site went live after a week of inactivity, and I added them back in. One time, a member site added themselves back in once they were active again. It's easy to do when the system is mostly automatic.

My point is, with how I design my sites, I'm creating the kind of internet that I'd want to inhabit. I'm very vigilant about dead links, everything is in perpetual dark mode, and if you were so inclined, you could view this website from a command-line web browser legibly (I recommend w3m or lynx).

"But what about whole blogs that seem to only exist for gaming SEO algorithms?"
Well, I got news for you: Those existed in the old web, too. While the old web might have made it harder to discover new sites, it also made it easier to overlook slop. So no, the internet isn't dead, so long as we give it life.

[ https://hisvirusness.com/long-live-the-interwebz ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

It's late-afternoon in a working class part of town. The houses are spacious, but they're cramped together, as if a city planner 80 years ago had a quota to fit as many homes on a block as physically possible. There's a man walking down the street, heading home. He walks the same path he's taken over the last 16 years, but this might be the final time. He's dying.

For the last few days, he'd been experiencing rolling fatigue, along with random spells of exhaustion and sleepiness. He figured he just needed to catch up on his rest tomorrow; can't do it tonight, because tonight's important. He's about to learn "tonight" is a concept he might not experience.

The symptoms had been manageable up to now. He opens the door of his house, and immediately collapses. His wife is close enough to catch him and keep him awake. She notes the lack of color in his face, as if he's suffering from serious anemia. He weakly claims to be okay and is back on his feet within a couple of minutes. She implores him to go to the doctor, or at least call off his plans for the night. He assures her that he just needs to take a quick nap, and that he'll be alright. She brews him a cup of tea, which he drinks before falling unconscious.

I can see it clear as day, but I don't know what it means. I don't recognize the man or his wife. But I can see this man dying, like a plea for help that will never come.

Back in the food court, I was staring straight forward at nothing. Someone kept waving their hand in front of my face. "Jackie. Hey, Jackie; what are you looking at?" Suddenly, the wave turns into a clap, and I'm snapped out of whatever spell I was in. I didn't know how much time had passed, but I was awakened to Mike holding a very thin file and looking down at me with concern.

"You alright?"

I rubbed my eyes and stretched a bit while signaling for Mike to take a seat. "Yeah, I'm fine. What'd you find out?"

"You were right: 'Elise Thorne' doesn't exist."

"Figures. Everything about this is preposterous."

"However, I did find the kind of printer that she mentioned. In the current local black market, only one fits the description: it's at a fence that does business out of an abandoned public school book repository in McKinley Park."

And, the plot thickens. I took out another cigarillo and lit it. I'm trying to dash forward, but I'm still at fifth place. "How do we know this is related at all?"

"Because the racket's run by a 'Roger Thorne'; a man who notably does not have a wife, sister or other association with anyone named, 'Elise'."

That's all I needed to hear: This was a set-up. Someone wants me to crash that party, but I don't know who and I don't know why. "It's crazy that a huge fencing operation pops out of nowhere right under our noses, and we didn't notice."

"...I've known about this operation, Jackie. And they've been in business for a while. These guys... they're not who you're looking for, trust me."

"Friends of yours?"

"No. I... may have obtained an enterprise-level server rack from them a while back, but that was expressly a professional exchange."

"Mikey, for one reason or another, these people are now on my radar. This whole thing stinks to high heaven; I have to figure out what's going on." I could have dropped this. I could have written this off as a potential trap set for me that will never spring. I could have considered "Elise Thorne" a prank. All of this could have been avoided. But I'd never be able to let it go. Call it curiosity, call it obsession, call it paranoia; the wave had emerged, and we had to ride it to the end. Mike's jaw locked, because he knew that trying to change my mind would be futile.

"Of course." Mike opened up the file and laid out the information he could find, and these people weren't amateurs. Their secrecy didn’t show in what Mike found; it showed in what he didn’t. This man could typically piece together the hierarchy of any outfit, with robust dossiers describing every person involved. However, with this operation, he was only able to track down two collaborators. And the information found was next to useless.

"I'm just going to throw this out there: You don't have to do this. Whoever that woman was, it sounds like they're fucking with you. It sounds like a wild goose chase."

He was probably right. At best, I find nothing and look like an idiot. But with how these people are moving, the absence of evidence isn't the evidence of absence. Elise Thorne may not be real, but there's still something going on. And I really don't like not knowing what's going on.

I stood up from the chair and Mike followed suit. He looked at me shocked, "You're going over there now?"

"The night's fading." I put my coat and hat on, because if I'm going out to investigate the shadows of the city, I might as well look the part. I couldn't spend all night having hallucinations of the damned; a mystery was afoot, and it was time to figure out exactly what was going on.

To Be Continued...

[ https://hisvirusness.com/textbook-case-part-2 ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

I mentioned to someone that I was buying new headphones and when they saw a wired pair, they asked, "Why didn't you just get Bluetooth headphones?" It's because I have a bad experience with Bluetooth headphones, so much so that it's turned me off from ever buying Bluetooth headphones for the foreseeable future. And I will have those opportunities, since wired headphones aren't going anywhere, despite what the hype-machine would have you believe.

When Apple first nixed the headphone jack a decade ago, I felt two things:

• Even happier that I didn't buy Apple products, and
• Nervous that the market would follow suit.

Thankfully, the market didn't follow suit (for the most part). Not for lack of trying, as trendy-tech tailriders still come out of the woodwork to say shit like, "You still use wired headphones? Do you still have a tape player, too?"

Which is a dogshit comparison. The format migration from audio tapes to CDs was off the back of CDs being a materially superior format. Better sound quality, easier navigation, you don't have to rewind CDs; there were a myriad of reasons for the consumer to switch. Bluetooth headphones do not have that. In fact, they have reasons not to migrate.

I'll put it to you like this: You buy a pair of Bluetooth headphones. When you first take them out of the packaging, you probably won't be able to use them right away because of the battery's charge. You charge the battery, now you have to pair them with your device, which is going to turn from inconvenience into nightmare if you plan on using more than one device. Finally, you can use your headphones; but the audio... may sound weird. Why is that? Well, that's our old friend compression: in order to cut down on latency while maintaining a consistent and sturdy connection, the actual audio signal is compressed heavily, which degrades the audio's quality. The amount of compression is different across devices, and is not user-controllable. Over a few months, the battery will start to degrade, which you will notice when it stops holding a consistent charge. And you can't just replace the batteries (after all, who replaces batteries nowadays; this isn't the 1980's), so your only recourse is to buy another pair of headphones.

There's a reason why, ten years later, 3.5mm to USB-C adapters are still a readily-available thing: Because the headphone jack works. Hell, USB-C itself is a wired interface still used on high-end devices that have ditched the headphone jack, specifically because the alternatives haven't proven why they should be the singular standard.

I think the general reason for the forced-obsolescence of the headphone jack has to do with one thing and one thing only: that it's tech from the 1950's. We can't have our sleek and shiny gizmos shipped with ports designed before the moon landing! Having mid-1900's microtech that still does what it says on the tin better than the modern alternative proves the tech's longevity and maturity. Mature tech is predictable; predictable tech is debuggable; debuggable tech respects the user's right to control their tech. Trying to force obsolescence and alternative adoption in the face of mature engineering is anti-user, anti-consumer and continues the ugly trend of allowing Apple to steer the course of the tech market, even in small part.

Some tech is just timeless, and there's a reason why many designs and concepts seem to stick around forever. Trying to force them out based purely on trends isn't evolution, it's the complete opposite. And if you disagree, you better not use a layout created 150 years ago to tell me about it.

[ https://hisvirusness.com/im-staying-wired ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

Well, here we are. It's the end of 2025: a landmark year... for me. Well, not really; if I'm being honest, the year had its ups and downs. A lot of downs (like, a lot), and that's okay.

By the way, yes: You're probably reading this in 2026. Well, I'm writing this on New Year's Eve 2025. While I probably will end up posting this early, I won't be refreshing the feed until the new year, so don't get confused. While you may be reading this after the fact, you are still ringing in the new year with me. Bathroom's in the back, there's Pepsi and pizza in the corner: Make yourself comfortable.

I wanted to reflect on this past year, talk about all the positive stuff that happened, what that means for the upcoming year and how I can start 2026 on the right foot. Then, I got hurt at work.

On the last working day of the year, and probably the only working day this week, my day was cut in half because of a nasty fall I took. I'm okay, but my right knee got badly scraped and my right thumb got really screwed up. Just like that, my brain flashed to frustration, infuriation and resentment. I immediately wanted to blow up on everything and everyone.

But, I didn't. After a few deep breaths and a cool down, I refused to let myself. So, we're sticking with the original plan. We are going to cover the good stuff that went down this past year. Because let's be clear: Despite all of the failure, setbacks and bullshit, I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SUCCEEDED.

// The Textbook Case

It's not much, but at the very least, it's a start.

And to me, that's all that matters. My problem with The Textbook Case is less about writer's block and more about... well, a litany of other issues I'm working on. So many versions of Part 2 have been discarded just because I didn't like the direction they were going in.

Is it perfection?
Is it a lack of confidence?
Could it be self-sabotage?

Maybe it's a complex mix of all three. Regardless: Small wins. And Part 1 being done is just that. Also, Part 2 is at least 80% done. We're talking mid-January, and I promise absolutely nothing.

// This WHOLE PLACE!

Why don't we bring up the elephant in the room? This website, and the feed that broadcasts out of it. I was able to accomplish something that I've wanted to do for years, and do so in a way that I'm more than happy with.

For so long, concept after concept just didn't fit what I not only wanted this site to look like, but what I wanted it to feel like. And, yes: I did dabble in WordPress/Jekyll/etc. They either presented workflows that didn't gel with me, or couldn't do exactly what I wanted without extensive modification. I figured at that point, I might as well just make my own tiny CMS, which I did.

One day, I just began; and brick by brick, this place came alive. It does exactly what I want it to do, consistently and efficiently. So much so, that it led to the creation of another cool web design project...

// hVmark

Of course, we can't talk about web site wins without bringing up hVmark. This site's backend had scaled so perfectly, that when I had the idea to give the site some Markdown-adjacent functionality, getting something up and running was relatively straight-forward.

Also, yes: the idea for hVmark came after the site's creation. Making a custom markup was never part of the original plan, but after writing this Batman post, I realized I liked writing in a style that felt like I was scribbling in the margins. But, hard-coding HTML longform markup sucks. A lot. But, what if I didn't need to do that, while also not having to rely on external dependencies?

Thus, hVmark was born. Then, it evolved over time, being iterated on until I felt comfortable releasing the vanilla spec as FOSS.

What started as an experiment became a curiosity, which then became a useful tool. And I could not be happier with how this turned out.

"Yes, we get it: you're proud of yourself. You're turning into a broken record."
That's fair. I made some cool stuff and I'm happy. Though, it has admittedly overtaken a lot of the conversation on my end, and it is something I do have to work on heading into the new year.

But let's not get bogged down by all the easy wins. Let's get into the real thick of the thin.
The real shit in the gravy.
The real... meat... in the potatoes.

I'm bad at food puns.

// Going (And Staying) Dry

Eight months now. I can't say I haven't been tempted, but it gets easier the longer it goes on.

I'll just leave it at that for now.

// Gainful Employment

This was more of a late win. Throughout the year, consistent work was not easy to come by, so 2025 was full of isolated jobs and whatever I could make from the wonderful and lucrative gig economy. During peak, I got my foot in the door somewhere, and I'm hoping to slam it open.

...We really don't think about how violent that metaphor is, do we?

Yes, this was during peak. Peak means seasonal, and seasonal means temporary. I'm working hard to hopefully not be temporary. And, worst-case scenario, I opened up my network of references for the next opportunity that comes along.

// Heading Into 2026

Despite the bumps in the road, I'm feeling good about the upcoming year. I'm constantly moving forward, and when it feels like I'm not, I'm at the very least doing my best.

And I hope you're doing your best. Happy New Year, get home safely, don't drink and drive, and if you hook up with anyone tonight, the child you end up producing is more than likely going to be a Virgo.
And Virgos are awesome.

[ https://hisvirusness.com/new-year-old-me ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

If you're actually reading this on Christmas, odds are it's because you follow the feed. I don't have a large readerbase, but I see you guys. Thank you for sticking around. I hope I made you laugh, made you think and made you feel whatever's the complete opposite of the emotions felt while doom-scrolling. I hope the end of your year is pleasant, that your stomach is full, and that the murderous rage you feel towards Uncle Randy is at least manageable.

And don't you fret: 2026 will have even more barely thought-out unhinged nonsense from yours truly, so stay tuned for even more bullshit!

See you in the new year... unless the sun explodes. And if that's the case, then piece, bitches!

Happy Whatever-The-Fuck,
- Paul (hV)

[ https://hisvirusness.com/happie-hollandaise ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

Whenever I've heard it said, or if it was specifically aimed at me, it was always supposed to be taken as ridicule. "Man, no one wants to steal that cheap cellphone you got." Good. Especially since we live in Chicago, and theft is always a possibility.

I just don't see it as an insult. Granted, if someone tries to insult me by calling me broke, I'm unfazed because... well, that's just the truth. Someone not wanting my stuff because of its lack of monetary value? That’s security; that's a feature, not a bug.

If someone stole one of my laptops today, they’d get nothing. They wouldn't be able to log in, and if they took it to a pawn shop, the shop wouldn't even bother because it’s running Linux instead of Windows.

Now, if this theft were to happen, say... 12 years ago? It would be a different story.

Back in 2009, I stopped using Windows on my laptops. Windows 7 proved it wasn't fit for portable hardware (and even XP had its own shitty hiccups), which started my adoption of Linux. A used $50 netbook running Crunchbang ran a lot better than a brand-new netbook running Windows. Instead of wiping Windows entirely, I'd keep a small partition on disk with a solo user that wasn't password protected. And that partition would be laced with keyloggers and other goodies that could potentially feed me back information.

After all, it was my laptop.
I can do what I want.

While there's no record of me having a laptop stolen and then mysteriously getting back, I can tell you that if you did something similar (NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD, but if...), you'd probably end up with enough intel that'd buy you a new machine.

In short, what I'm actually getting at is, cheap hardware is a flex. An even bigger flex is if the hardware was going to be e-waste. Especially if it outperforms over-marketed, over-priced, locked-down, planned-obsolesence trash. Taking something cheap and making it into something usable is way more impressive than paying too much for weak hardware.

[ https://hisvirusness.com/cheap-does-not-mean-bad ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

...That may not sound very scary to you, but to me it's terrifying.

// My Current Goals

In the short-to-long term, my current goals are not really complicated:

• Regain steady income.
• Build this site using custom tools and minimal external dependencies.
• Continue The Textbook Case.

Of those three goals, I've been able to accomplish one, and it’s come at the expense of one of the two I’m still failing at.

"Which of the goals is the one you've been succeeding in?"
Well, you're currently reading this from a fully-custom content management stack that has its own markup language; which goal do you think it is? It sure as shit isn't the job one.

// Trying To Pick Jobs From Jobbies

I hesitate to really consider this a goal, given it's the default: Looking for work, and trying to earn through gigs during peak hours to have at least something coming in. Losing my wheels made that prospect significantly harder, but not impossible, despite the dip in earning potential.

This is more geared toward creative output, which lies outside of formal professional aspirations. After all, we all need our coping mechanisms; we all need those things that even us out. I've got my creative pursuits, and I have this website.

There's not much of my life that I can control, but I have full control of this space, and I'm going to take as much advantage of that control as I'm technically able. Which, it turns out, is a lot.

// Chasing Perfection

In the 2004 film Collateral, Max (played by Jamie Foxx) is a taxi driver with big dreams of starting a limo company. Instead of taking at least a few baby steps toward that goal, he daydreams about the concept while going through the motions of his route, which he had been doing for the better part of a decade up to that point. In his own words, "It had to be perfect." Which means, it was never going to happen.

He's then forcefully roped into assisting in a targeted and highly coordinated killing spree, but that's beside the point.

It's a pattern I try very hard not to follow, despite being one that I've been guilty of repeatedly following. Working on this site has actually helped me break that pattern, but the results have still been less than perfect.

When it comes to building the general framework here, along with cataloging a portion of my past output that's been spread all across the internet, I think I've succeeded. Of course, it's an ongoing project, but it's one that has a strong foundation. Decades of half-starts, non-starts and trial-and-error have led this project to where it is today.

This was something that I felt was true months ago. However, despite that, more upgrades were developed. More efficiencies were deployed. More projects were started and completed, like the hVmark table of contents generator (let alone hVmark itself). And this has all been at the expense of The Textbook Case.

// Hardening The Frame Of An Incomplete Picture

If you've followed my /now page for any length of time, you'll notice one constant: It always says I've been working on part 2 of The Textbook Case. And while it's not wrong, it's also not fully accurate.

After all, you're currently reading evidence of the contrary. I've written a lot of other things, and... well, created a markup language since publishing part 1. At this point in time, part 2 is half-written, and that's after drafts that I've completely deleted after not liking the direction they were taking. I still have the outline, so I would walk away for a bit to cool off, work on some other projects and figure I'd try again later.

It's emblematic of another problem I have: I sometimes nuke projects that I'm currently not happy with, regardless of how far along they are. I've mentioned before that I had a hard time getting this site off the ground, and that was a big reason why. It's something I've had to work on, and while I've been making headway, I'm still human (probably); I'm not perfect (as hard as that is to admit).

The Textbook Case is the kind of story I've been wanting to tell for years, but because of that, I get all in my head about it. Doubt, fear of inadequacy, lack of confidence; it has to be perfect. Everything has to be perfect.

// Back-Breaking Straws

Thing is, we're getting to a point where that excuse is no longer applicable. As far as publishing conditions go, everything is perfect. The story itself based on its outline is actually really good (and I say this without any bias whatsoever); any flaws in execution are part of the art. It's never going to be materially perfect because nothing is perfect.

It's go-time. It's time to do. It's gonna be great, and regardless of quality, getting it done means the next one will be even better.

// Takeaway

"Instead of actually working on your story, you just chastised yourself for not working on your story."
Well, first off, thank you for still reading; stay tuned for more bullshit. Secondly, ...I did, yes. I felt the urge to put thoughts down, but didn't have enough energy to work on the story.

However, it's at least something. Baby steps are better than no steps at all. Lateral movement is better than no movement at all. Just... doing something, anything, so long as it is going toward your goals. Will it produce results? No idea. But, at least it'll add to the pressure; if I have to bully myself to finish this story, so be it.

I already said the thing, so... bye.

[ https://hisvirusness.com/finding-the-time ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

Last summer, an accident happened that led to me losing my job. The nature of the accident also made it difficult to get back into that same field, despite a license, a union and experience. However, I was in a much better situation this time around. I had a car and a place to live, I lived near an industrial park: I'd bounce back. That's what I thought, and that's exactly how I approached looking for work.

It didn't exactly work out like that. My inbox became full of rejection notices, and most of them were automated. With little money coming in, I had to leave the apartment. And now, six months later, I've lost my car.

Before signing the paperwork, I hadn't owned a car for 13 years, despite working jobs that involved driving. I didn't miss having a car because of the expenses, but I still did miss having a car. And at the time, I was living in a suburb so I could be closer to work; because of that, I needed a car. I knew I was gonna get shafted with the loan, but so long as I had the money, I was gonna pay and be happy about it. Because now, I was free.

Truth is, for the last year, I couldn't afford to keep that car, but I was fighting tooth and nail to keep it. A part of me felt like if I still had it, then I still had some hope that things would be getting better. Plus, I planned to keep that car for years; it was a Honda Civic. They're like Firefly transports: If you take care of one, it'll last forever.

That meant almost every cent I was making went into that car in one way or another, but it still wasn't enough. So, my stubbornness was actually making things worse. After all, I don't live in that suburb anymore; I'd moved back to Chicago, and I have the tickets to prove it. It's not like I need a car, but it helps immensely.

I was so afraid of loss this time around that I was clinging to false hope and literally paying to avoid the truth. And that's potentially even more damaging.

So, what now? Are you gonna get the car back?
Unless it starts raining money, probably not. It is one financial burden taken off of my shoulders, but I'm still back to climbing out of the hole, just without unchecked mobility. It's 2017 all over again: No job, no fixed address, trying to do the best I can to move forward. Only difference is that I don't drink anymore (six months on the 20th), which is a huge positive.

I'm trying to look at this positively. Like I said: I literally couldn't afford it anymore. It's not comforting, but the cold, hard truth rarely is. I planned to keep that car forever, but plans change. And now, I just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Maybe if I identify as a corporation that's too big to fail, the government will start aggressively throwing money at me. Oh, if only...

[ https://hisvirusness.com/learning-to-lose ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

I know what you're thinking: "That's absolute bullshit, people who back into parking spaces are the absolute worst."
And a few years ago, I would have agreed. Then, I got a job at a bus depot where it was mandatory to back into your space in the parking lot. The spaces were lined up against the building; cars constantly backing into a general driving area of buses and other cars was much more dangerous than just taking a little more time to back into a spot.

And I'm not being hyperbolic: it was MANDATORY. As in, you could get written up if you didn't do it. I don't know anyone who was, since we were all more than happy to back into our spaces. We all had CDLs and got paid handsomely to drive large vehicles over an extended period, it's not like it was a huge ask in the first place. Over time, you get used to it and it starts to seem off whenever you're presented with the prospect of pulling into a parking spot.

Also, yes; in most cases, it is safer. Just ask AAA, who straight-up recommends it because it reduces the risks of a crash. Think about it: when you're behind the wheel, you need to at the very least have a vague idea about what's going on along all six sides of your vehicle. When you reverse out of a space, your field of vision is much more restricted than it would be forwarding out of a space. Reverse cameras help to narrow the gap, but you're still comparatively flying blind.

However, if you're going to start backing into parking spaces, keep these things in mind:

• Safety is the most important thing.
  If you can't safely do it, don't. If you're not confident in your driving, maybe brush up on your parallel parking before you back into spaces in parking lots. If you enter a lot that's too crowded or too narrow, fully assess the risk level before you take the plunge.
• Take your time.
  It's not a race. Taking your time further assuages risk and helps you affirm that your parking job is straight and that there's enough clearance. And if you're worried about the people waiting behind you, think about how much more delay and risk you'd be putting out into those people's lives while backing out of a spot. Because it's way more.
  But, at the same time, don't take all day; if it takes you more than a couple minutes to back into a spot, maybe brush up on your driving.
• Do NOT do this in diagonal parking spots.
  Just... no. Diagonal parking has its own problems; it doesn't need more people who think it's safe to pull out forward against a one-way lane. Backing into a spot is the exact opposite of safe when it comes to diagonal parking.

When in doubt, ask yourself, "What would Stone Cold Steve Austin do?"
He'd probably back into that parking space, and crank up the finger to anyone ballsy enough to lay on the horn.

What are your thoughts on this? Am I on the money, or off the mark? Drop a line @comm and give me your feedback.

[ https://hisvirusness.com/parking-is-hard-anyway ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

One of my favorite video game franchises is Max Payne. In 2012, Max Payne 3 came out, and I thought it was a great final chapter. Sure, it had its issues, but on the whole, it was a great gameplay experience that tied very well into the base franchise. Admittedly, for a variety of reasons, I was a bit late at getting to play it. To hold me over, I'd read and watch reviews from sources that I knew would not spoil anything. I remember seeing a positive review from a popular outlet that only had one negative critique: That it was linear. The level-based progression was considered a flaw, so besides that, it was a great game.

Of course, we're talking about 2012: Open-world games were the current hotness. If your game wasn't open-world, you better figure out how to fold it in or else you're gonna get lost in the shuffle. Later on, we'd realize (for the most part) that not every game needed to be open-world, but back then, it was seen as natural progression. Tech got better, and removed so many constraints to the point where almost anything was possible. On paper, it's freeing, until you remember that constraints are integral to game design.

Games, by their very nature, are contests inside of abstract scenarios, with very specific rules and conditions pertaining to how said contest can be won. The creative thinking involved in beating any game is part of (if not most of) the fun, which makes the dopamine hit from victory hit that much harder. Even the way games were made back in the 8-bit and 16-bit eras had their own rigid constraints, but those constraints aided in the creation of fantastic games.

When it comes to making "better" games nowadays, video or otherwise, the impulse is always to remove constraints and add features. If the game is a sequel, these could be in service of ruining existing gameplay mechanics. Trying to strive for the idea of more being better, instead of trying to improve what you already have.

That same temptation exists in modern dev, when you're the one writing all of the rules. In the last couple of weeks, I've gotten some great feedback about hVmark. And things have been brought up that made me think about extra features I could add or changes I could make. But with every idea, I've had to reel myself back and ask a very important question:
Would this go against the spirit of hVmark?

Adding quality-of-life features to hVmark would be redundant, because hVmark itself is a quality-of-life feature of this website. A quality-of-life feature that I was initially hesitant to even start work on, strictly because I don't like adding extra code to the framework. In the beginning, I knew there would be quirks to the system; small things to work around in publishing... whatever. If I was going to add simplified formatting features, it couldn't be at the expense of the site's innocuous quirks.

Why not just make sure there are no quirks at all?
Laziness.
Because constraints in specific contexts are a good thing. The trick is, finding out what those contexts are, and working from there.

So when I decided to actively start work on hVmark, the plan was that I'd only target the HTML tags and blocks that I actually use. I could add headers, but I don't use headers on posts (EDIT: well, that was a lie). I could add blockquotes (and probably will), but I typically don't use blockquotes because I suck at blogging. hVmark is automatic on posts; using it in pages takes some work, and that is very much deliberate.

hVmark is complete enough that I'm actively using it on almost every single page on this website, so for all intents and purposes, it's a completed work. Will I add more features? Probably. But the way it functions as an application, with its own added quirks and all, will not change. Or at least, it will not change so much that it becomes something new entirely. If there is an hVmark v2, the "updates" will likely include more constraints, because putting in effort on the client-side is part of it. It reduces bloat with the added benefit of making the user more mindful of what they're putting out into the ether.

If you're able to make any sense out of this digital chicken-scratch, stay tuned for more bullshit.

[ https://hisvirusness.com/can-and-should-are-not-the-same ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

It all began with a simple question: What if the site had Markdown functionality? Don't get me wrong: I love HTML, but simpler text formatting never killed anyone.
At least...
I don't think...

Anyway, if we were gonna go down that road, of course implementing the spec would be pretty straight-forward. But, I mean... we're already Doin' The Most when it comes to this site; if we're aiming for a simpler markup language for posts, it's gotta be designed in-house.

Everything               .
What ever could go wrong ?

Regardless, I started with the formatting tags and general HTML that I regularly use for posts and went from there. After some late nights and bug chasing, we're at version 1, which I've wasted no time in deploying.

Does it work?
You tell me. This post is written in hVmark v1:

It works in tandem with the existing auto-formatting for paragraphs in posts. As you can see, there's basic text markers. The order of operations is:

• Bold
• Italics
• Strike
• Underline

Placement IS Important

Doing the heavy lifting for images and links are the anchors @@ and fangs ^^. Syntax depends on what they're being used for, and it's proving itself to be a very versatile system.

Side Note: I also recently created a /now page; I'm in the nownownow directory and everything. Check it out.

For right now, HTML use on the same line will _break formatting_.

This is on purpose; once hVmark matures a bit more, functionality to render text alongside HTML will be deployed.
But for now...
It's both opinionated and greedy.
EDIT: And it will stay that way.

// Future Goals

• Implement lists.
  Oh shit, nevermind. This totally works.
• Tighten design.
• Possibly rewrite entire website in hVmark.

While I'm sure there are bugs to squish and improvements that could be made, I'm happy with v1 and will obviously be using it in posts going forward. Of course, I made this for me, but I'll soon publish this on my GitHub for any interested parties.

[ https://hisvirusness.com/making-the-mark ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

This is my longest streak in the last 15 years. Before this current run, the longest I went was a month. Back when I was doing stand-up comedy, the guy who ran an open mic I went to every week challenged me to give up drinking for a month and do nothing but my sober material on stage. In so many words, he told me to drop the Virus shit and be normal on stage. I was honestly more bothered about being challenged to not shout at people during my act than not drink, but I accepted. For a month, at every mic and showcase I performed at, I did my regular stuff, which included jokes about Duck Dynasty and Burn Notice, just to give you an idea at how long ago this was. And I didn't drink.

After the month was over, I actually got better at doing stand-up comedy and coming up with new material. The guy said I should consider just... doing that from now on. Thing was, I didn't want to, so I went right back into my Virus shit. And drinking.

When you really think about it, drinking is a self-inflicted chemical imbalance. "In moderation" is great on paper, but some people are just bad at moderation. And it's absolutely going to do no favors to somebody who already has a lot of carnage going on upstairs; if anything, it'll make things much, much worse. In my case, it enabled me to put off my goals and my passions, believing that they'll get done eventually. They don't have to get done today, after all. Then, after so much time has passed with no progress being made, getting depressed about it and drinking more. Not even once considering that the action of working towards said goals brings a lot more fulfillment than spending the weekend sitting in my apartment hammered. Mostly because by then, thinking clearly wasn't exactly on the table, and would be afk until I sobered up.

It's the chicken and the egg: In order to think clearly, you have to stop. But stopping is damn near impossible, given that you're not thinking clearly. Just one random synapse has to fire up off-beat to spring you into a fleeting moment of lucidity enough to literally wake you the fuck up and realize you need help.

Recovery programs are great, and do a lot of good for people seeking help and their families. Having said that, I really don't like how... metaphysical and dogmatic they are. Like... I can practice having gratitude agnostically, right? Why do I have to involve God in a personal matter?

"But Paul, Alcoholics Anonymous is not a religious organization."
Read Chapter 4 of The Big Book, then say that to me again with a straight face. In the modern day, they are "spiritual, not religious" and of course welcome people of all beliefs. However, in my experience, everything is still filtered through a monotheistic lens that mirrors modern-day Christianity, and when it does, I have to work hard not to tune the fuck out. I'm not interested; theology is not my thing, and I'm speaking from lived-in experience.

That's not a critique on the people, however. They're very kind and supportive; I don't have a bad thing to say about anyone in the program. But... there's only so many times you can hear about someone being spoken to by God. Yet, when I try to claim that my Higher Power is Ra's al Ghul, I'm sternly told that I have to take the process more seriously.

Regardless of that, I'm feeling really good. Physically and accomplishment-wise. Will it last? Who knows? All I know is that tonight, I'm not drinking. And, that's kinda the point: One day at a time.

Also, don't worry: I'm still hopelessly addicted to caffeine. And I mean hopelessly. If you even insinuate that it's a problem, things will get irrationally violent real quick. When you see me, you better check to see if I have a Pepsi in my hand, because if I don't, the odds of everyone getting punched in the face are at 85%. How else am I supposed to have my sleepless daydream nightmares at 1:30 in the afternoon while I'm warping across the Stevenson at 85 MPH?

...This has gotten off the rails. I'm gonna call it here. Thanks for reading; stay tuned for more bullshit.

[ https://hisvirusness.com/its-been-how-long ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]

Something was very recently brought to my attention that fit all of the above. But before we get to that, let me give you a general primer as to how this site functions.

// How Shit Works Around Here

Simply put: The framework of this site is my design, and it was designed to be stupid simple. The URL dictates what page loads, and the script pulls from various text files, depending on what was called. If a page is called, the header, the menu, the footer, and the content of the page itself is pulled. If a post is called, only the post itself and the footer are pulled, and the script will render the post's paragraphs automatically based on line breaks.

No databases, mostly text, and very little JavaScript. There's no unnecessary bloat to bottleneck the site from executing its core function: Publishing the God damn website. Hell, I'd take out the CSS if I could, but I want the site to look nice.

The lack of bloat also helps to keep hosting costs down. As of writing, the entire site (that is, scripts and content) clocks in at 37MB.

You might be asking, why bother doing all of that work? If you couldn't tell by the cheeky little timestamp at the bottom of the front page, it's not the first time I've been asked that:

"Why not use Jekyll?"
"Why not use 11ty?"
"Why not just use WordPress?"

Because this is the direction I want to take. And I'm very stubborn, so if I can do it, I'm going to do it. This is how I've made my sites for almost two decades, and while my knowledge base has expanded over the years, my web design philosophy and practice has stayed the same.

That's not to say I have anything against those other services or the people who use them, they're just not for me. I'd rather go bespoke. That's the same kinda attitude I took to mocking up a custom RSS feed generator, and well...

There were issues.

// HV:RSS:GEN v1 Worked... Kinda

Of course, with new posts being added, it would make sense to have an RSS feed that cataloged said posts. I took the code that's used to catalog all of the posts to the front page and adapted it to generate an XML feed that can be recognized by an RSS reader. In my testing, the design worked, so that was good enough for me to deploy it live.

Problem was, I had no real experience with XML and I don't regularly use RSS readers, so my experience with the feed wasn't going to be indicative of the average use case. Given that each XML entry had a host of metadata, I set the generator to only pull the first paragraph of a post as a preview, because it was my understanding that RSS readers fetched the full post when the feed was accessed, or just opened the post from the website.

Of course, I was mistaken.

I got an email from a reader who seemed confused as to why posts were cut off so soon. At first, I didn't know what they were talking about, until I actually used an RSS reader. I quickly realized that my design was inadequate when it came to universal accessibility. And that's really the name of the game, right? You don't want to broadcast incomplete data; you want to send out a full, clear, unobstructed signal. So, I did what I really should have done the first time, and did some research.

I'm actually glad this was pointed out to me because I really wasn't in love with the first implementation anyway. Sure, it worked, but it would have definitely needed an overhaul in the future. I decided that future was now. I set it up to render full HTML posts (text formatting and images; no YouTube embeds) per XML entry, the script generates an XML file, which is rendered in full by accessing the old URL so that there are no broken links. I'm much happier with the result: It's cleaner, the output looks good in RSS readers, and it widens accessibility, allowing people to read my nonsense from any device or service they wish to use.

It also made me realize why people functionally use RSS readers in the first place. Talk about convenience.

// What's Next?

I would say between this and lacing the post framework with Microformats to make the site IndieWeb compatible, accessibility is in the bag. Next possible steps would be categories and Webmentions integration. Of course, despite being functional, this site is a work in progress; most are, after all. There will always be something to add, something to remove, modifications to make things more efficient. If fixing the RSS feed taught me anything, it’s that “good enough” is really just good enough, until someone actually tries to use it.

The work is not done...

The work is never done...

Thank you to the reader who contacted me and pretty much made all this happen. I'm always open to feedback, so if you have any ideas or notice something is off (and not in the "What is going on in that funny little head of yours" way), contact me at admin@HisVirusness.com.

Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for more bullshit.

[ https://hisvirusness.com/im-also-shocked-that-this-works ]
[ - HisVirusness - ]

[ Support via Ko-Fi ]