Shifting Goals: When, How & If It's A Good Idea
First off, to whoever is reading this: Happy Halloween. I hope you spent it watching the scariest movies you could find. This entry in the ledger is about the scariest thing of all: Goal stagnation, and how it's affecting this site and my life personally.
...That may not sound very scary to you, but to me it's terrifying.
My Current Goals
In the short-to-long term, my current goals are not really complicated:
- Regain steady income.
- Build this site using custom tools and minimal external dependencies.
- Continue The Textbook Case.
Of those three goals, I've been able to accomplish one, and it’s come at the expense of one of the two I’m still failing at.
"Which of the goals is the one you've been succeeding in?"
Well, you're currently reading this from a fully-custom content management stack that has its own markup language; which goal do you think it is? It sure as shit isn't the job one.
Trying To Pick Jobs From Jobbies
I hesitate to really consider this a goal, given it's the default: Looking for work, and trying to earn through gigs during peak hours to have at least something coming in. Losing my wheels made that prospect significantly harder, but not impossible, despite the dip in earning potential.
This is more geared toward creative output, which lies outside of formal professional aspirations. After all, we all need our coping mechanisms; we all need those things that even us out. I've got my creative pursuits, and I have this website.
There's not much of my life that I can control, but I have full control of this space, and I'm going to take as much advantage of that control as I'm technically able. Which, it turns out, is a lot.
Chasing Perfection
In the 2004 film Collateral, Max (played by Jamie Foxx) is a taxi driver with big dreams of starting a limo company. Instead of taking at least a few baby steps toward that goal, he daydreams about the concept while going through the motions of his route, which he had been doing for the better part of a decade up to that point. In his own words, "It had to be perfect." Which means, it was never going to happen.
He's then forcefully roped into assisting in a targeted and highly coordinated killing spree, but that's beside the point.
It's a pattern I try very hard not to follow, despite being one that I've been guilty of repeatedly following. Working on this site has actually helped me break that pattern, but the results have still been less than perfect.
When it comes to building the general framework here, along with cataloging a portion of my past output that's been spread all across the internet, I think I've succeeded. Of course, it's an ongoing project, but it's one that has a strong foundation. Decades of half-starts, non-starts and trial-and-error have led this project to where it is today.
This was something that I felt was true months ago. However, despite that, more upgrades were developed. More efficiencies were deployed. More projects were started and completed, like the hVmark table of contents generator (let alone hVmark itself). And this has all been at the expense of The Textbook Case.
Hardening The Frame Of An Incomplete Picture
If you've followed my /now page for any length of time, you'll notice one constant: It always says I've been working on part 2 of The Textbook Case. And while it's not wrong, it's also not fully accurate.
After all, you're currently reading evidence of the contrary. I've written a lot of other things, and... well, created a markup language since publishing part 1. At this point in time, part 2 is half-written, and that's after drafts that I've completely deleted after not liking the direction they were taking. I still have the outline, so I would walk away for a bit to cool off, work on some other projects and figure I'd try again later.
It's emblematic of another problem I have: I sometimes nuke projects that I'm currently not happy with, regardless of how far along they are. I've mentioned before that I had a hard time getting this site off the ground, and that was a big reason why. It's something I've had to work on, and while I've been making headway, I'm still human (probably); I'm not perfect (as hard as that is to admit).
The Textbook Case is the kind of story I've been wanting to tell for years, but because of that, I get all in my head about it. Doubt, fear of inadequacy, lack of confidence; it has to be perfect. Everything has to be perfect.
Back-Breaking Straws
Thing is, we're getting to a point where that excuse is no longer applicable. As far as publishing conditions go, everything is perfect. The story itself based on its outline is actually really good (and I say this without any bias whatsoever); any flaws in execution are part of the art. It's never going to be materially perfect because nothing is perfect.
It's go-time. It's time to do. It's gonna be great, and regardless of quality, getting it done means the next one will be even better.
Takeaway
"Instead of actually working on your story, you just chastised yourself for not working on your story."
Well, first off, thank you for still reading; stay tuned for more bullshit. Secondly, ...I did, yes. I felt the urge to put thoughts down, but didn't have enough energy to work on the story.
However, it's at least something. Baby steps are better than no steps at all. Lateral movement is better than no movement at all. Just... doing something, anything, so long as it is going toward your goals. Will it produce results? No idea. But, at least it'll add to the pressure; if I have to bully myself to finish this story, so be it.
I already said the thing, so... bye.
[ https://hisvirusness.com/finding-the-time ]